To start off, this is actually a difficult post and I have been pondering on this for ages before having the courage to publish this. Wait, no, it is not difficult typing my feelings out actually. Pressing the publish button is.
Before I start, it has been some time since I finally have a sat down and have some personal time. Time just seems to pass by so quickly.
I have never been one to stand out of a crowd. I always try to blend in. I never really fully feel like I can open myself up around people. Even to those whom are very close to me. I am not very good at expressing how I feel towards people out loud. Be it my family or my friends. Most of the time, I tend to feel very awkward even though I have known them for years, and yes, we are close, but there is just a wall that I built preventing me from opening myself up and feeling very comfortable around people. I am not a loud person, however, I do try to adapt. It is very difficult for me to describe but as I type this out, it is easier for me to express my feelings out in this form rather than communicating with other people verbally. I am trying to slowly open up to people, especially to my parents and so far it has been quite a positive journey. I'm quite thankful too that my fiancé has been so supportive throughout always making sure that if I have any problems, he will definitely try his best to get it out of me and help me feel better.
Before I start, it has been some time since I finally have a sat down and have some personal time. Time just seems to pass by so quickly.
I have never been one to stand out of a crowd. I always try to blend in. I never really fully feel like I can open myself up around people. Even to those whom are very close to me. I am not very good at expressing how I feel towards people out loud. Be it my family or my friends. Most of the time, I tend to feel very awkward even though I have known them for years, and yes, we are close, but there is just a wall that I built preventing me from opening myself up and feeling very comfortable around people. I am not a loud person, however, I do try to adapt. It is very difficult for me to describe but as I type this out, it is easier for me to express my feelings out in this form rather than communicating with other people verbally. I am trying to slowly open up to people, especially to my parents and so far it has been quite a positive journey. I'm quite thankful too that my fiancé has been so supportive throughout always making sure that if I have any problems, he will definitely try his best to get it out of me and help me feel better.
Introvert. Is a person who tends to minimize contact with people and prefers to keep their thoughts to themselves. It is very difficult for introverts to actually talk about their feelings. Let me first point out I am not an expert in this. I don't think I am fully an introvert, though. I love being alone by myself most of the time. But other times, I do love being around people. I'm very good at keeping things in because I find it very hard to trouble someone to listen to me whenever I have problems. This however might not be ideal in a long run because sometimes being alone isn't as nice as we thought it would be. We often need someone to talk to, however it is easier said than actually doing it. Bottling feelings up might lead to bursting at someone unintentionally. All these emotions somehow tend to build up and at one point it has to exit out from our system. Maybe one way you can try to talk to someone is by typing things out. I know it sounds silly but you'll never know, it might work.
Outside looking in. The term itself means that you feel like an outsider within a circle group of friends. You tend to feel like you don't belong or fit in a certain crowd. I remember feeling like this throughout my school years. Don't get me wrong, I do have a handful of close friends, just that I do not fit well within a large group of people. During most of my school year, I joined an extra curricular activity (mainly because I'm being forced to-and it stuck with me through my Polytechnic days) to open myself up a bit. I joined Malay Traditional Dance, and it was really fun, I actually enjoyed performing. But what I have trouble with is communicating with my friends. I was a very shy person so I tend to keep a distance and does not join others in conversations. Sometimes I get mistaken for being unfriendly. I'm just a quiet person and I can't help it, but if I am comfortable with you, I do try to talk. I'm getting better in terms of communicating with other people. Working in Customer Service has helped me a lot with my confidence. I still do have issues especially in presentations. They always tell me, "But you dance, how can you not present!". My answer, dancing does not require me to speak. I know, not a good excuse but I'll get better in time I hope!
At the end of the day, it is not easy to open up to people, because sometimes, trust is such a delicate thing. It will definitely take time to do so. Always know that no matter what, someone close to you really cares no matter how much you think otherwise. Big hugs to you!
Hope your weekend is going good!
Till Then,
XOXO
Hope your weekend is going good!
Till Then,
XOXO
